Facedown

I understand the role that precipitation plays in the logistics of earth, but this rain we're getting on the east coast right now is some real live bullshit. It's been raining steady and pretty much nonstop for about 30 hours. I did sleep a little during that time so the rain may have rested as well. I'd hate to get called out for embellishing anything. All I know is I've spent the better part of the last 24 hours wet, and wind blown. I'm not intentionally trying to get the ladies worked up, it's not nearly as hot as it sounds. Picture drowned rat as opposed to the cover of a romance novel. Now I didn't come hear to speak of something as mundane as weather. I'm here to address whatever bottom feeding piece of human waste stole my umbrella at my show last night. That's a pretty cut rate maneuver. It's not fucking Lord of the Flies, it's a little rain, and yeah it kind of blows, but deciding that you needed that umbrella more than its owner makes me want to watch you chew razor blades. My no longer owning an umbrella has set off a chain of events we may never know the full extent of. But it's safe to say my getting a late start this morning due to contemplating how best to get from point 'A' to point 'B' without any rain protection no doubt caused me to miss a chance meeting with my future wife on the subway platform, then once on the train I was passed over by a casting director who was scouting the rails for the next great action star, took one look at this drip and shook his head, not to mention my coffee cart being out of plain donuts by the time I arrived, and the jury being out on whether I've caught my death.

Can you sense the anger in me?

A belated thank you to everybody who came out, laughed, said hello, or gave me the stink eye at shows in Chicago and D.C. over the past couple weeks.