Late City Final
Allow me to walk you through today's NY Post newspaper. Ah yes, right here on page 3 it says "Brooklyn has nation's bloggiest neighborhoods", hmm, I guess they thought this blog originated out of Manhattan. I don't really like the word 'blog', hence me calling this section of the site 'news', and they probably left me out of the story for lack of pictures, and too many subjects that don't revolve around a Brentwood Starbucks. Let's press on....
Charter schools in Harlem? Not interested. Although there is a weird quote from G.W. Boosh, "it's soft bigotry of low expectations" that baby is just floating, not sure what he's referring to. His handlers must have typed that one into his Speak n' Spell.
Here's our cover story! My sister's in Iran are being banished for five years on account of they aren't wearing their Muslim veils. Can't keep the face covered? Rocking some Apple Bottom jeans? Trying to show off that pantene silky shine? You're gonna get 5 long ones outside the capital. Ladies! Throw that veil on and sneak back in.
Whoa! George Steinbrenner's daughter looks like Herman Munster in a Marilyn Monroe wig on page 9. This is a can't miss.
The late Pat Tilman may have the squarest jaw ever seen in the human form. Drop the cowl on him, he's Batman! That dude was nails, and yep, you guessed it, the good ole' US of A, pimped him, and his family.
Now this picture of Cheney, where he is apparently enraged with Sen. Reid looks like every other cotton pickin' picture I've seen of this guy. He's not raged, Cheney got a little infant blood stuck in his throat. Broheim, drinks the blood of newborns.
Oh! While I'm thinking of it, if anybody can get me a copy of the Six Million Dollar Man episode where Andre the Giant plays Bigfoot, please get in touch immediately.
Hmm, youth minister child molester can't remember any answers to the questions he's being asked in his civil trial? Going Ollie North on all those teen sex romps? Yeah right, he's still whacking to that shit, that dirtbag bottom feeder.
Finally made it to Page 6, mostly because it's on page 12. How'd I not know that Eddie Murphy had knocked up "Scary" Spice? L.L. Cool J in talks to star in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof"? Don't call it a comeback. Stevie Nicks letting it be known, that Lindsay & Britney will regret their hard partying ways later in life. Trust, when you go from looking like Stevie in the 70's to looking like Stevie's skin draped over a mound of clay, you're gonna have some regrets. Somebody has to go in and bust Katie Holmes out of the Cruise compound. Delta Force!
Boring
Boring
Boring
The Celtics cut Sebastian Telfair...for having a gun? Celtics still play in the NBA, right? Pistols and unprotected sex are the lay of the land. There's always the NFL, I'm pretty sure murder's still cool with them, as long as you don't smoke weed. Ricky Williams got sent to Canada for that shit. Perfect, force the dude to go where pot's basically legal. Did Lenny Kravitz ever pen a tune about their time together?
I've only made it to page 21, but i can't summerize the entire paper for copyright reasons. I'll leave you with a story from the Weird but True section. Some bloke in London walked into a crowded restaurant and chopped off his dong in front of everybody. I'm glad they tracked down the spokeswoman from the eatery, as she sheds some light on the whole thing by letting us know that it was "extremely frightening, and distressing for those who saw it." That chick probably went to Cambridge for public relations.
and I gots nothing...
Charter schools in Harlem? Not interested. Although there is a weird quote from G.W. Boosh, "it's soft bigotry of low expectations" that baby is just floating, not sure what he's referring to. His handlers must have typed that one into his Speak n' Spell.
Here's our cover story! My sister's in Iran are being banished for five years on account of they aren't wearing their Muslim veils. Can't keep the face covered? Rocking some Apple Bottom jeans? Trying to show off that pantene silky shine? You're gonna get 5 long ones outside the capital. Ladies! Throw that veil on and sneak back in.
Whoa! George Steinbrenner's daughter looks like Herman Munster in a Marilyn Monroe wig on page 9. This is a can't miss.
The late Pat Tilman may have the squarest jaw ever seen in the human form. Drop the cowl on him, he's Batman! That dude was nails, and yep, you guessed it, the good ole' US of A, pimped him, and his family.
Now this picture of Cheney, where he is apparently enraged with Sen. Reid looks like every other cotton pickin' picture I've seen of this guy. He's not raged, Cheney got a little infant blood stuck in his throat. Broheim, drinks the blood of newborns.
Oh! While I'm thinking of it, if anybody can get me a copy of the Six Million Dollar Man episode where Andre the Giant plays Bigfoot, please get in touch immediately.
Hmm, youth minister child molester can't remember any answers to the questions he's being asked in his civil trial? Going Ollie North on all those teen sex romps? Yeah right, he's still whacking to that shit, that dirtbag bottom feeder.
Finally made it to Page 6, mostly because it's on page 12. How'd I not know that Eddie Murphy had knocked up "Scary" Spice? L.L. Cool J in talks to star in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof"? Don't call it a comeback. Stevie Nicks letting it be known, that Lindsay & Britney will regret their hard partying ways later in life. Trust, when you go from looking like Stevie in the 70's to looking like Stevie's skin draped over a mound of clay, you're gonna have some regrets. Somebody has to go in and bust Katie Holmes out of the Cruise compound. Delta Force!
Boring
Boring
Boring
The Celtics cut Sebastian Telfair...for having a gun? Celtics still play in the NBA, right? Pistols and unprotected sex are the lay of the land. There's always the NFL, I'm pretty sure murder's still cool with them, as long as you don't smoke weed. Ricky Williams got sent to Canada for that shit. Perfect, force the dude to go where pot's basically legal. Did Lenny Kravitz ever pen a tune about their time together?
I've only made it to page 21, but i can't summerize the entire paper for copyright reasons. I'll leave you with a story from the Weird but True section. Some bloke in London walked into a crowded restaurant and chopped off his dong in front of everybody. I'm glad they tracked down the spokeswoman from the eatery, as she sheds some light on the whole thing by letting us know that it was "extremely frightening, and distressing for those who saw it." That chick probably went to Cambridge for public relations.
and I gots nothing...
posted by Vince at 11:33 AM
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