S'more
Let me spout a little on the always preposterous Grammy awards. Before I get into my very important thoughts on this years nominees, allow me to recount my favorite Grammy moment. The blessed occasion came at the height of Prince's career, probably Purple Rain era. We were sitting around the family room watching the show, when my Dad (pretty straight laced, gets his hair cut twice a month) walks in and notices Prince (cuffs like drapes, making David Bowie look like Tom Selleck) and goes, "I've seen better pieces of shit go down the toilet." I enjoy Prince's music, but that was epic. People who know me have heard that one a few times.
Onto this year's twelve car pile up...
Beyonce (supposed to have a little dealio above the 'e') is up for best record. The record industry continues to do itself no favors. Record? What does that mean? It means track, folks, a song, the best song. They just continue to use the Dick Clark dialect. How's about the best platter, or 45? Continuing to use the term 'record' shows us that the comet that will exterminate these dinosaurs is closer than we thought. Pay no mind to whatever track Beyonce is up for, I've got her best, most catchy tune of the year right here for you.
In the category of best song, wait, song? I thought the best record was for a song? It is, but best song is an award for song writers. For this reason the only person nominated who is eligible is Amy Winehouse w/ Rehab. She wins because she wrote the song herself. Make no mistake, it's pop music, but if there's only one person in the group who wrote their own shit, and the song is remotely listenable, you gotta give it to them. Winehouse, is in dire need of many things along with rehab, the first thing that comes to mind is a cleaning like they do the glasses at a bar, three part process, and hope bleach is involved.
Best new artist? It's not Paramore. Paramore is an illness that was allowed to escape from Tennessee. They're not artists. Artists take influences and make something new, Paramore listened to records by bands that listened to records by bands, that listened to records by bands, and then when they were far away enough from the real thing, used tracing paper on a New Found Glory record. Taylor Swift. If you require explanation as to why Taylor Swift can't be considered, hit the back button on your browser 14 times and never return. Feist somehow got a nomination, she's what I would consider an actual artist, and let's not lose sight of the fact, what I consider is all that matters here, so allow me my needle head's worth of control that I hold here unlike anywhere else in the universe. Feist wins!
Best Performance by a duo or group:
Bon Jovi, Daughtry, Maroon 5, Plain White T's, U2...Let those 5 names serve as my suicide note. Well clearly Vince no longer wanted to live in a world where more people were Bon Jovi fans, than weren't. In a shocking development tonight, a 32 year old man ended his life upon being faced with how piss poor, and soulless popular music had become. Let's go live to the funeral home where "Hey Delilah" by the Plain White T's can be heard playing in the background while he's being embalmed. "It's a touching piece of music, and reminds me of my girlfriend while I'm putting make up on the stiffs" -Undertaker (not 'the' Undertaker)
Best solo rock vocal includes the nomination for John Mellencamp's "Our Country". I realize it's impossible to take into consideration all the music that was released over the past year, although if you walk a few extra paces in the store or make a few extra clicks with your mouse there is a ton of music just off the radar of whatever convalescent home houses all the people who nominate and vote on the Grammy's, but "Our Country" is a sugar cookie made out of baking soda, with no frosting on it piece shit. It's the song that launched a thousand commercials for trucks and any other item some gun toting, Fox News watching, ignorant Mike I think the constitution should be changed to be more in line with the bible Huckabee supporter might buy with his unemployment check. John Mellencamp sat on his estate in the Klan strong hold of Indiana, and said somebody get my abacus and slide rule, I need to calculate a soundtrack to buying stuff for my white American fans. it needs to be a song that will make those last couple countries in the world hate us as much as all the rest.
to be continued...
Onto this year's twelve car pile up...
Beyonce (supposed to have a little dealio above the 'e') is up for best record. The record industry continues to do itself no favors. Record? What does that mean? It means track, folks, a song, the best song. They just continue to use the Dick Clark dialect. How's about the best platter, or 45? Continuing to use the term 'record' shows us that the comet that will exterminate these dinosaurs is closer than we thought. Pay no mind to whatever track Beyonce is up for, I've got her best, most catchy tune of the year right here for you.
In the category of best song, wait, song? I thought the best record was for a song? It is, but best song is an award for song writers. For this reason the only person nominated who is eligible is Amy Winehouse w/ Rehab. She wins because she wrote the song herself. Make no mistake, it's pop music, but if there's only one person in the group who wrote their own shit, and the song is remotely listenable, you gotta give it to them. Winehouse, is in dire need of many things along with rehab, the first thing that comes to mind is a cleaning like they do the glasses at a bar, three part process, and hope bleach is involved.
Best new artist? It's not Paramore. Paramore is an illness that was allowed to escape from Tennessee. They're not artists. Artists take influences and make something new, Paramore listened to records by bands that listened to records by bands, that listened to records by bands, and then when they were far away enough from the real thing, used tracing paper on a New Found Glory record. Taylor Swift. If you require explanation as to why Taylor Swift can't be considered, hit the back button on your browser 14 times and never return. Feist somehow got a nomination, she's what I would consider an actual artist, and let's not lose sight of the fact, what I consider is all that matters here, so allow me my needle head's worth of control that I hold here unlike anywhere else in the universe. Feist wins!
Best Performance by a duo or group:
Bon Jovi, Daughtry, Maroon 5, Plain White T's, U2...Let those 5 names serve as my suicide note. Well clearly Vince no longer wanted to live in a world where more people were Bon Jovi fans, than weren't. In a shocking development tonight, a 32 year old man ended his life upon being faced with how piss poor, and soulless popular music had become. Let's go live to the funeral home where "Hey Delilah" by the Plain White T's can be heard playing in the background while he's being embalmed. "It's a touching piece of music, and reminds me of my girlfriend while I'm putting make up on the stiffs" -Undertaker (not 'the' Undertaker)
Best solo rock vocal includes the nomination for John Mellencamp's "Our Country". I realize it's impossible to take into consideration all the music that was released over the past year, although if you walk a few extra paces in the store or make a few extra clicks with your mouse there is a ton of music just off the radar of whatever convalescent home houses all the people who nominate and vote on the Grammy's, but "Our Country" is a sugar cookie made out of baking soda, with no frosting on it piece shit. It's the song that launched a thousand commercials for trucks and any other item some gun toting, Fox News watching, ignorant Mike I think the constitution should be changed to be more in line with the bible Huckabee supporter might buy with his unemployment check. John Mellencamp sat on his estate in the Klan strong hold of Indiana, and said somebody get my abacus and slide rule, I need to calculate a soundtrack to buying stuff for my white American fans. it needs to be a song that will make those last couple countries in the world hate us as much as all the rest.
to be continued...
posted by Vince at 6:39 AM
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