Nobody Leaves

Regardless of how laid back a person is, how chill they seem, how unfazed they appear under stress, the one thing that truly will incite virtually any zen master, is having cuts taken on them. I don't care if you're in a line for root canals, there is something inherently violating about somebody stepping in front of you. I've watched the faces of the sweetest old ladies turn to blind rage at the suggestion. Like maybe dude is trying to get a closer look at the menu but appears to be cutting. Mushroom cloud! Why just yesterday I turned my head while queued at the coffee cart on Park and 32nd and when I returned my head forward a dude had slipped in front of me. I'm relatively cucumber about stuff, but I instantly wanted to put razor blades between all this guy's teeth and slam his mouth closed.

After considerable thought and discussion I feel confident that if you placed a completely naked Joaquin Phoenix in an 8x8 room to compete in a fight to the death against a King Cobra, Joaquin would ultimately exit that room the victor but die soon after from injuries sustained during the battle. 8x8 is unforgiving, which is why if threw Wayne Newton's unprotected body in that arena with a Canadian Goose, that goose is going to have it's neck broken, but not before leveling a couple of painful shots to leather face's genitals. This is a source of endless conversation. The size of the room and the human being naked immediately cause any opponent to be considered a threat. Please keep in mind, as far as I'm concerned the human always enters first and never knows who it's opponent will be. Hair-Lip Phoenix could be standing their expecting Sean Penn, so when that spitting snake makes its entrance, he'll need to quickly cancel his slap fight plans and prepare to preserve his mortality.